My English teacher was one of the first to know. We became good friends and when I was 19
years old I rented rooms. She came to visit me and I told her that I was gay.
She started laughing and said she had already known from day one because I was
such a big fan of Diana Ross. Mind you, this was 1975 and friends of mine just
had had lots of problems with neighbors who threw stones through their window
because “hey faggots! We don’t like your kind here!” That is exactly how it was
back then in the Netherlands. But soon things would change.
Ever since I
came out of the closet I never could understand why people had problems with
others being gay. For me, it was all so simple. I had chosen to live my life as
I liked it and everybody had to mind their own business. If all people could
think that way there would be no problems at all. Unfortunately, it is not like
that. And so the fight for my rights started.
In the ’70s
a gay movement became very active, not only in the Netherlands. We demonstrated
a lot. We wanted our equal rights. And there was a need for that since Anita
Bryant started her crusade against homosexuals. It came to a point that gays
were killed by people who followed her. Some were killed while the attacker
referred to Bryant and then added: “In the name of Jesus”. Also, bumper stickers
were sold saying ‘Kill a queer for Christ’. Now you might understand why I do
not like religions. Truth must be known however that bit by bit things were
changing for the better. At the time the Netherlands was top-rated when it came
to tolerances. Yes, those were the days my friends. We thought they’d never
end. (Thank you, Mary Hopkins) Somewhere in the ’80s, we did get the opportunity
to be registered as gay couples. A big step forward but it was not enough. Then,
finally, on March 31 2001at midnight the mayor of Amsterdam married the first 4
gay couples and same-sex marriage were there. And legal. More and more countries
would follow.
Much to my
displeasure I have seen scenes for many years now that I cannot approve of at
all. In Amsterdam, one can ‘enjoy’ the gay pride every last Saturday of June.
Ever since it started I have wondered, what is there to be proud of? It does
not make sense to me at all. First of all: we all hate being discriminated against. And
then we state we are different? Give
me a break! I consider myself being a human being just like everybody else.
That I prefer to spend my life with a man does not really make me different. If
that would be the case than straight men could celebrate once a year that they
fancy fat women, or skinny. Or that they prefer women with red, blond, brown or
black hair. I mean, it should be nobody’s business who we prefer to share our
lives with. How can we be proud of what we feel? Sure I am proud too. Proud of
how I think, how I manage my own life. Proud of the fact that I dare to face
challenges. But why should I be proud of being gay? As a matter of fact, to me, it is the same as ‘proud to be black’. You did not do anything for it. We were
born that way. What I am trying to say here is that I can be (very) proud of
things I’ve done and do, but not for who I am. I was simply born as me. Just
like all of us.
In August
there is the big Amsterdam Canal Parade. Again another LGBT festivity where
gays and lesbians parade on boats through the canals. Over 100.000 visitors
go to Amsterdam just to see this parade. Members of the government are much
honored when they are invited to join. Well, each his own of course but can I
please pass? Why should I expose myself half-naked for an audience that likes
to see monkeys doing funny things that humans never do? Whether you like it or
not, I do have heard people talking about this event without any respect. To
them, it is like going to the zoo or a circus. They do not become more tolerant.
They are not interested in equal rights. They just want to have a good laugh.
It is definitely not gaining any sympathy. In my opinion only the city of
Amsterdam is gaining. All the tourists need food and drinks after all.
Here it is
time to clarify why I am not pleased with these activities. Allow me to go back
to the ’80s, please. Back then I was volunteering in an ‘all-purpose house’ in my
neighborhood. That last Saturday of June we all were going out for a dinner
that was offered as a thank you. One of us was working in a bar till 6 PM so we
decided to gather there. The coordinator then asked me if I should not be at
the gay parade that by then did not support any good cause anymore. It was just
showing off. So I told the man that if I wanted to get more respect I should
better do it in my own way. In the places, I visited, at work, etc. Then I decided to
have an example to make things clear. Close to me was this guy who people had
warned me for because he did not like gays. I grabbed him and pulled him to me
and the coordinator. “Now,” I said, “people have been warning me for this guy
because he might beat me up for being gay. But I know he will never do because
I respect him as a human being and in reverse, he respects me for that”. Sure, I
was playing with fire as others told me later that night. The very next Tuesday
evening I was watching the news when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and
saw the guy with a friend. “Hi Frans, I was wondering if you were home and if
you have some coffee for us?” We had a good talk over coffee and beer. The guy
was not that bad at all. He wanted to know a lot and was really interested in history. It was an eye-opener for him. And now I got something to be proud
of.
Today there
are still over 40 countries where people risk going to jail just because they
are gay. Even the death penalty. If the gay community would be a bit more concerned
they would use gay pride to demand equal rights for everybody, all over the
world. There is still nothing to party about. A lot of work is still to be
done. It the gay community demands to be accepted and respected then we all
should take care of our brothers and sisters in these countries I mentioned
here. It is too early to party like we won the super bowl. As long as there are
people oppressed, sent to jail or worse we should stand united and make sure we
are being heard.
Love the ones you’re with and be
loved in return
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