WHAT MUSIC CAN DO

Music can be played no matter what mood you are in. There is always the kind that fits. Nowadays I can play whatever pleases me but there have been times when I was feeling sad and somehow it could not come out. Then I used to play Mahalia Jackson songs. That was all I needed to get the tears starting to fall down. No, that did not happen often. Just sometimes that I had the need to let things out that way. Of course, I preferred the moments I felt like playing more uplifting music. For me, that is soul and blues. Many hours I have spent dancing by myself. It must have looked ridiculous to others but I always made sure nobody could see me. During housekeeping, I liked to play old Dutch torch songs. I could sing along –well, actually I was belting it out- with them and it made the job much more pleasant to do. 

Now why was I dance all by myself, making sure nobody could see me? Here is my secret: In the 70’s I had a nice partner. We got along very well and we were very happy about being together. One night we went out to a disco and of course, we started dancing. At some given point he told me “So funny! You dance exactly like Bobbie of Boney M”. Insecure as I already was I looked at him and said “Is that so? Well, then I am going to sit down, have a drink and I will never dance again”. Believe it or not, I stuck to it for several years and I still cannot dance in public unless I had a few drinks. 

Music does not always have to perfectly suit your mood. Long-time ago I ordered a classical CD in a store and a few days later I was preparing to go to my partner who lived in another town, when the CD shop called me, telling me the CD had arrived. So I picked it up and left town to meet the love of my life at that time. When I arrived he was busy re-organizing the wardrobes in the bedroom so I was all alone in the living and of course playing the newly purchased CD. After ten minutes or so, he came into the room, looked at me with a big frown and asked me if there was something wrong. At first, I did not know what could possibly wrong and why he asked me. Then I realized the music playing. I assured him everything was fine and I was just enjoying the new CD. 

Another (terrible) the occasion had happened years and years earlier. At the time I must have turned into 22 or 23. My partner asked me what I would like to get as a birthday present so I told him an album of Frank Sinatra including ‘Strangers in the night’ would be great. Well, I got the album plus a few other presents and for sure we had a great day. Only one week later however he suddenly started criticizing Frank Sinatra as being a very rude man, a fascist straight man who had no respect for other people. Then he blurted out that Shirley Bassey was evil as well since it was announced that she hated gay men. I simply could not –and still can not- understand what his problem was. That made him even angrier. It was a Friday evening and we had a few beers. I was not in the mood to reply to all of this and told him I better go to bed. So I went to sleep and the next thing I know was that he was lifting me up and started to punch me. He hit me in a way that I landed in the wardrobe. I looked to the right, got the briefs that were on top and a pair of socks. “What are you doing?” he shouted. “Well, I’m going to get dressed and see if I can find a place where I can sleep without being beaten”. Somehow I managed to get out of the house and when I closed the front door behind me and hit the street I heard him scream “So! To whom it may concern: the whore Frans is available!” In the bar, I saw my colleague and told her what had happened. She, of course, offered me to sleep at her place that night. No need to say that this was the end of a relationship. 

My mother was a member of a big choir in our hometown Haarlem. This was the kind of music not too many young people like. Two times a year this choir had a public performance and I really felt sorry that not a single member of our family ever went to see and hear the choir sing so I decided to attend these performances. Needless to say that my mother was very pleased. She had a special black gown that she wore during these performances. Everybody had to wear black back then. When the Edwin Hawkins singers (‘Oh happy day’) came to our town during their European tour, my mother announced that she would love to see them and asked if I would like to join her. Never will I forget that event. My mother obviously had no clue about gospel choirs and she probably expected to see a choir like the one she sang in. The group started very serenely but bit by bit the music went up-tempo and the members were swinging and swaying. People from the audience then went to the front and started dancing. My mother, holding the handbag on her lap in a firm grip, could not understand what was going on. “Look at all those people there in front. Don’t they have manners?” she whispered in my ear. “When you attend a concert you should sit properly. This is not a pop group!” I had a hard time not to show my laughter. When the singers started to wipe their faces, using one cloth that went from one to another my mother almost collapsed. 

When I left Holland I could not, of course, bring all the vinyl albums that I had collected. My CD collection plus all Supremes and Diana Ross albums were sent by boat. After a few months, I found out that most of the album covers were eaten by termites. The records themselves were damaged as well. I felt heartbroken when I had to throw those albums. I guess that is life. Fortunately, we have computers now and we can download music as much as we want. So I can still enjoy the music I like. And whenever I hear The Edwin Hawkins Singers I can hear my mother say “They don’t stand still like they should!”

Love the ones you’re with and be loved in return.