YOUNG AND OLD

Monday, January 18, 2016


young and old


The young man locks the car door while he peers into the window of his father’s house. “What’s the old man doing up on that ladder?” Big steps take him to the front door. The doorbell rings twice and short. It is their sign so the father knows who is coming in. Once inside he throws the bags with groceries in a corner and walks to the living where he finds his father who is just decently folding the ladder. “Dad, what did you do upon that ladder?” “Oh, I just changed the light bulb.”

The son shakes his head and he looks worried when he tells his father that he should call his son when things like this have to be fixed. “Dad, you are aging. People your age should be careful. What is it that you always keep on doing those dangerous things yourself?” The father gets visibly irritated. “Since when is climbing a small ladder dangerous? What makes you decide that it is? Never in my entire life I have fallen from a ladder so what exactly is your point now?” “Oh come on dad! You are 56. You aren’t 20 anymore!”

The father shrugs his shoulders and gestures his son to let him pass when he wants to put the ladder away. “Dad, I only want to help you, can’t you see?” “Hmmm, did you get the groceries? I’d love to have coffee now. How about you?” Yes, I can use some coffee too.” When the sun comes in the kitchen later to get the coffee they are both cravings for he sees his father has forgotten to pour water in the machine and again there is an argument that ends with the father telling his son “I have forgotten it. Yes. You want to know why? Because you got me terribly upset earlier!”

The above is just an example. You might call it an intro if you like. I think many people can relate to situations like this. And when you could look at it from a distance you could feel for both parties maybe. The truth is many people don’t look at it but are subject. No distance but right in the middle of the situation. And too often it is painful. For both parties.

Nobody involved has the intention to hurt the other and yet it happens. That makes them feel sad and guilty. I often wonder why these things happen over and over again. Is it that people cannot convince their parents, partners, and friends? Are we all too stubborn? The big problem is that people, even when they get older, in general, know perfectly well what they are capable of.

That is true under one condition: they have to be honest with themselves. They have acknowledged when there are things they cannot do anymore. A few years ago I saw our gardener jump over a small gate and I remember I that thought what would have happened to me had I done the same.

That was one of the moments you realize you are getting older. It might be painful but you cannot run away from it. And the younger generation has to accept that being older is not a synonym for being disabled. Have a good look around. There are young people that cannot or dare not climb a small ladder. But they (for instance) can drive a car better than anyone else you know.

When you are young the possibilities in life are amazing. You can almost do whatever you feel like. Growing older you mean learning –and accepting!- about your limitations.

The problem (that at least is my firm believe) is that the younger generation cannot see what older people are still capable of and the older people, on the other hand, cannot understand the concerns of the younger people. What puzzles me here is the fact that it seems they cannot overcome these problems.

Personally, I believe it should not be that hard. People that used to fix several things in their house themselves still can do that when they get older. Why not? They have knowledge. They have the skills. Young people should try to imagine how it must feel if others tell them what they can and cannot do. 

For people who are not related in some way, it is all about showing respect. I visited a dating site and some young guys started sending me messages like “Hey grandpa! What are you do doing here?” and “It is 8 PM now, time for you to go to bed grandpa”. My answer? “I hope you will live long enough to experience when people treat you like you talk to me now. Let’s see if you’re going to like it. But first, you must see to live another 35 years more.” I’m afraid I will not live long enough to hear about him when he’s 59 years old. Well…..that too is life.


Love the ones you’re with and be loved in return.