Patronizing The Older People

Thursday, August 25, 2016





There is one problem in this world that seems impossible to be solved. No, I am not talking about wars, elections or global warming, etc. It is a problem every generation faces sooner or later and much to my surprise it is hardly mentioned in magazines. All kinds of diseases are being researched and sociologists come up with the weirdest outcomes on equally weird investigations. Yesterday I read that babies in different cultures do cry in different ways. Is that something the world was waiting for? Should we go out dancing in the streets now? What I mean to say is that it does not add anything to our lives. At most, it could make us smile. Yet this research must have cost the taxpayers a lot of money. 

What I am talking about is the clash of generations and to start: I once made the same mistakes too. When people get older the younger ones are always afraid that things the older people do might be too dangerous. Changing a lamp and you need a stepladder? Better do it when there are no others around because before you know it they will tell you that it’s not safe at your age. Carrying a big bag with 7 kilos of groceries? The young people are sure it is too heavy for you. And if you forgot to buy something (that is not too common at all so you don’t have to get it too often. You know what I mean?) they’ll tell you that you are becoming forgetful. Because of your age! 

Now listen very well (although it is all written): I’m here to testify that people who grow older still are capable to handle things on their own and in their way very well. Yes, it’s true; we do not run through the streets anymore when we go out shopping. It is also true that we sometimes take more time before responding when you say or ask something. No, not because our thinking gets slower but because there are more distracting sounds that might be a bit confusing. Or you talk a bit too fast. You see? Our senses deteriorate. Which does not mean that we are disabled? It is just a bit inconvenient. A fact that we ourselves are aware of even more than you and yes, it bothers us as well but we have to deal with it. Even more than you. 

But there is no need to worry: your time will come as well. You’ll probably notice it first when you realize that your arms are too short when reading the ingredients on a box with some kind of food you are holding. And you will need to get under a light also to see the small letters better. More than likely you will notice these kind of things around the age of 40.  No problem at all for you can get yourself a pair of reading glasses. But slowly you will notice other signs of aging as well. You will have to walk more careful on a sloping ramp. You will have to ask others about the meaning of new words. There was a time you pulled out those few grey hairs you saw but now you can’t fight them any longer because they became too many. While you are watching the growing amount of those grey monsters you will suddenly notice that your skin is losing its elasticity. It does not look smooth anymore but kind of wrinkled. And you too sooner or later will notice that you are going to avoid bars where the music is too loud and you and your friends have to shout more and louder.

What we all need is awareness. The older generation has to realize the golden years are over. And younger people need to know that the older ones are not disabled. Older people know very well what they are capable of. Well… at least they should and if not you can help them. But not by telling them what they cannot do anymore but by guiding them gently. Too often it is said that old people become grumpy. Here is the truth: they definitely do not grow grumpy but their mood becomes bad when they are told “Be careful! Let me carry that bag for you because it is too heavy. Let me change that lamp. It is too dangerous for you to step on that stepladder”. And this list of well-meant comments is much much longer. 

Also, we do not like to be patronized like we are some kids. Our way of thinking never changed. People who know me well maybe have heard me say “I still think and feel like when I was 20 years old. The problem is that my body does not cooperate”. When I worked as a caregiver I often heard people talk to the oldies in a way as if these people were insane. And whenever they showed that they did not like the way they were spoken to they had to hear things like “Now, now, now! You do not have to talk to me like that. I am only trying to help you”. Yes, the old people may not say that they do not like to be patronized while the caregivers or younger relatives are allowed to talk like idiots. That is the world upside down. All we want is to be treated in a respectful way. Like we respect others too.


Love the ones you’re with and be loved in return