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| It's Christmas! |
The real meaning of Christmas seems already forgotten. I remember, being in my twenties and I just had bought a house when I was walking through the center of my hometown when I saw these huge posters in the windows of Holland’s biggest store at the time saying “Christmas should be spent with your loved ones”. I guess it was meant well but it really hurt.
I had no partner and my sisters and brother, having their own families were celebrating with friends. From being hurt I actually got angry. “Have those designers forgotten about the people who have no partners? People who lost their love-ones?” To me, it felt like an insult. Like the message was “If you’re alone you are not a full, true member of our society”. As a good society member, I behaved well of course but I had this feeling, deep inside, that I wanted to throw stones.
My point then was (and still is) that society has such strict codes. Society will tell others where they belong. Each and everyone belongs in box A or B or C and so on. Who had ever decided that I ought to celebrate Christmas with others?
Around that period I was volunteering in a house for
mentally retarded people. To be more accurate: I was a voluntary visitor to one
of the guys living there. His name was Theo. His mother was an old woman who
could not visit him that much. Once a month I picked him up and we used to go
for a walk in the forest, on the beach or visit the zoo. Things like that.
One day I got a phone call from one of the caretakers. Theo couldn’t go home that Christmas. I can’t recall the reason anymore. Knowing that most people in the house would go home and Theo would be one of the few left behind, I decided to have him over on Christmas day. He loved a certain Indonesian dish. It is called bami goreng.
This always was a bit confusing because, when asked what his favourite dish was, he invariably would answer “Sasi! Theo likes sasi.” That was his way of saying nasi, which is another Indonesian dish. I always had a hard time not to get things mixed up. Anyway, that Christmas I put up a nice Christmas tree and bought some little presents for him. Just to make him have a nice Christmas.
When back in the office after Christmas some colleagues asked how I had spent my Christmas and (that always seems to be the most important) what I had for Christmas dinner. “Oh, I had Theo over and since he loves bami, that’s what he and I got”. Everybody looked surprised. From the comments, I could hear they did not like the idea. “Gee Frans, that is not the way to celebrate Christmas!” They simply could not think out of the box. They didn’t understand a bit of it.
To them, Christmas was all about a sumptuous dinner. In return, that now is something that I don’t understand. I really don’t. Worse: if you don’t agree with those ideas you’ll be treated as an outcast. What a nice Christmas thought, right?
One day I got a phone call from one of the caretakers. Theo couldn’t go home that Christmas. I can’t recall the reason anymore. Knowing that most people in the house would go home and Theo would be one of the few left behind, I decided to have him over on Christmas day. He loved a certain Indonesian dish. It is called bami goreng.
This always was a bit confusing because, when asked what his favourite dish was, he invariably would answer “Sasi! Theo likes sasi.” That was his way of saying nasi, which is another Indonesian dish. I always had a hard time not to get things mixed up. Anyway, that Christmas I put up a nice Christmas tree and bought some little presents for him. Just to make him have a nice Christmas.
When back in the office after Christmas some colleagues asked how I had spent my Christmas and (that always seems to be the most important) what I had for Christmas dinner. “Oh, I had Theo over and since he loves bami, that’s what he and I got”. Everybody looked surprised. From the comments, I could hear they did not like the idea. “Gee Frans, that is not the way to celebrate Christmas!” They simply could not think out of the box. They didn’t understand a bit of it.
To them, Christmas was all about a sumptuous dinner. In return, that now is something that I don’t understand. I really don’t. Worse: if you don’t agree with those ideas you’ll be treated as an outcast. What a nice Christmas thought, right?
At the time I was also volunteering in a community center in
my neighborhood. (Yes, I did a lot of volunteering work then.) During another
Christmas season Rob, another volunteer there, asked me about my plans for
Christmas and I told him I had no plans whatsoever. The very next day he came
to me and said he had discussed it with his wife and added: “Then come to us”.
Somehow in his voice, I heard they felt pity for me. And there was no reason for that at all! Nevertheless, I agreed and truth be known, it was a nice Christmas evening. Of course, I appreciated their invitation very much. Much more than the comments of my colleagues who simply looked down (They didn’t even bother to hide their disapproval) on the fact that I hadn’t celebrated Christmas like them.
Somehow in his voice, I heard they felt pity for me. And there was no reason for that at all! Nevertheless, I agreed and truth be known, it was a nice Christmas evening. Of course, I appreciated their invitation very much. Much more than the comments of my colleagues who simply looked down (They didn’t even bother to hide their disapproval) on the fact that I hadn’t celebrated Christmas like them.
During my last years in the Netherlands (That’s how I
pronounce the Netherlands) I worked as a caregiver, mostly night shifts. Christmas
time always worried the managers because everybody wanted to spend the holidays
at home or with relatives. In the month of September, we could write down on the
calendar what days we wanted to work (read: we're available for work) and what
days we wanted vacation leaves.
I never encountered problems there since most people wanted their vacation leaves on Christmas (In Holland Christmas is celebrated on December 25 ánd 26. I think it’s the only country who needs 2 days for some unknown reason). So I worked during Christmas and always managed to plan it so, that on the morning of December 31 my days off started.
This was perfect for me because I always liked the New Year’s Eve parties. I just extended voluntarily my nightshift as I always used to say jokingly. And I can’t explain how happy I was (and still am) when the New Year had started and life got it’s old routine back again. Not that I like routine but here is the exception of the rule. New Year’s wishes? I don’t think I ever had. January 1 is just a ‘next’ day, like all the others. People once liked to make it somewhat different but basically, it’s not other than all other days during the year.
I never encountered problems there since most people wanted their vacation leaves on Christmas (In Holland Christmas is celebrated on December 25 ánd 26. I think it’s the only country who needs 2 days for some unknown reason). So I worked during Christmas and always managed to plan it so, that on the morning of December 31 my days off started.
This was perfect for me because I always liked the New Year’s Eve parties. I just extended voluntarily my nightshift as I always used to say jokingly. And I can’t explain how happy I was (and still am) when the New Year had started and life got it’s old routine back again. Not that I like routine but here is the exception of the rule. New Year’s wishes? I don’t think I ever had. January 1 is just a ‘next’ day, like all the others. People once liked to make it somewhat different but basically, it’s not other than all other days during the year.
Before I leave I’d like to say that in no way I am trying to
offend anybody of course. I sure do respect the way people like to spend their
season’s holidays.
Love the ones you’re with and be loved in return.
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