Why I am an atheist.

Once upon a time there was a young boy who was raised Catholic in a loving family. But things didn't turn out to be as his parents had planned and more than likely hoped for.

Sure enough I went to church with my parents and I especially liked the Christmas nights where we, after we got home from the mass thathad  started at midnight, were treated with a midnight "breakfast." It was then that my mother put Jesus in the stable. Never earlier because "He was born in Christmas night". My father had baked nice sausage rolls the day before and he heated them up while my mom and we, the four kids, set the table including nice red ribbons and real candles behind every plate.

atmospheric candle

For some reason our teacher took the class to the church sometimes where we were supposed to go to confession. I really didn't know what I had to confess. On the way back a girl once told our teacher that she felt her heart was lighter. I was stunned. That simply could not be. That must have been the first time I started to think that there was a lot of crap going around. Nevertheless I became an altar boy and felt very important.

During these years I lived a simple life with not too many challenges. I just muddled on, trying to be a good boy. A month after my 19th birthday I met this guy who I secretly admired. We had sex in his car and I knew from that moment I had to keep this hid for my parents. I decided it would be better to come out after my parents died. Of course that did not work at all. So I told my mother and she really had no clue what I was talking about. My father had to explain her the differences between being heterosexual and homosexual. I always have felt lucky that my parents accepted me, no matter what. later that same year the Vatican organized a conclave and the outcome knocked me right on the head. According to those men in their dresses masturbation was a serious sin and homosexuality was a deadly sin. It was announced on the Dutch television on a Saturday evening. I could not understand what was wrong with that bunch of fossils and their stupid rules. The next morning I called the parish house and I told the maid I would not be serving. She then asked me if I would come the next Sunday. I told her that I never would return.

altar boy

My mother, who did some administration for the parish, a few months later told me the priest would like to have a talk with me. I went to see him and he started lecturing me. In short: I was not gay. "Look at Sander, he's 23 and still single. That doesn't mean he will come out as being gay". Of course hell would be my destiny if I did not forget about the idea of being gay. For a few seconds I looked the man straight in the eyes before I told him that he did not understand a bit of it and then I told him bluntly he and his damn church good fuck off. And what had I to do with an institution and its condemnation?  Without saying anymore, I left and I still remember how  relieved I felt. I had shaken off this heavy load and it felt so good.

Thirteen years later my mother passed away and I was back in church for the funeral service. Before we went there we gathered in my parent's house where one aunt came to greet me, saw my friend and turned to my brother, completely neglecting me. By then I already knew that several aunts and uncles had given my parents a hard time for supporting me. I still regret that I behaved so politely at the time. Would it happen now, I think I'd spit her right in her judgemental face.

During the service the priest told us how he remembered a coffee break on a morning my mother was doing the administration. They and some other people had some conversation. At some point they changed subject and he then had noticed that my mother was very pensive. Then all of a sudden she started: "And yet I don't believe that if two people really love each other, God would object." I really can not describe the feeling I had that very moment. I just knew she had referred to me and my friend and I felt so proud! Then I turned around and I looked all my aunts and uncles right in the eyes, smiling, like telling them "You heard that? That was my mother and yes I am proud of her! She did not judge like you do."

As years went by my antipathy for religions only grew stronger. The more I think - religious leaders do not like us to think at all - the more I see so many inconsistencies. Adam and Eve the only two people on Earth? They had two sons. One killed the other. But...how did the killer get kids since there were no other people? And even if there would have been a daughter, that would have led to incest. And ahhh yes: They lived in the paradise that God had carefully created. But the apple from one tree (the tree of wisdom. Let this sink in. A tree of wisdom?) was forbidden. Wisdom was not allowed. How sad that a talking (!) snake lured Eve to eat that apple. It all sounds like a fairy tale. The big difference is that there is no "...and they lived happily ever after."

We all know that children love fairy tales. So that is how religions work: start brainwashing kids as young as possible. Using fairy tales will sure get their attention. This makes it clear why the story tellers came up with Noah and his ark. Kids don't question inconsistencies. They take everything for granted. As an adult however one should really think about it. How big should that ark have been, I wonder? The food alone would have needed an additional super cargo ship!

And for sure I can not get my head around the problem with God and his son. They are actually the same. Here's the deal: God impregnated a woman so she could give birth to...himself? The baby, born in the Middle East was Caucasian? According to the Christmas song it was snowing when he saw the light of day? Snow? Sure, kids love those kind of stories. What do they know about race and climate etc? In the end, the poor white man dies a horrible death. And he died for us. For our sins! Sins that were made up by human beings. I would never ask somebody to do such a stupid thing. I take my own responsibilities. But there is more: God loves us so much that he always will forgive our sins. Fine but...why then is there a hell? Now here we are; we have to obey this God, be good and peaceful. Worship and thank him as much as possible. Fortunately there is always this escape should we sin: God forgives us anyway. So go go go guys, be my guest. You can rape and abuse and kill all you want. You will be forgiven. Catholic priests know all about it. That's why thousands of them abuse children. But hey, do not tell them that you are gay because they for sure will condemn you.

Now wait a minute here. Do religious people not tell us that God created each and everyone of us? Obviously he likes gay people too because he never stopped creating them.

 Please be assured that I am not here to lecture. Basically I don't care whatever people like to believe. The point is that too many keep on trying to impose it on others. In all kind of situations. And why? What do they gain personally out of it? But that - and more - is for the next time.

To be continued since I do have much more to say.


Love the ones you're with and be loved in return.