Hell And Damnation

Catholic Church

Long-time ago I went to church every Sunday. Later I even became an altar boy. It was just the right thing to do at that time and I fit in perfectly. Every year the priest took us out for a day. Often on the bike. We went to different places and I must say that we had fun then. We saw places we had never been to before. In school, there was a classmate who liked to scold me for being an altar boy and I did not understand it at all. Being an altar boy gave me the feeling that I had an important role in the church. That is; until I came out.

 It just so happened that around the same time the Vatican held it’s congregation of religious studies. The outcome was far from respectful, to say the least.  Self-satisfaction was a terrible sin. I could not understand it: innocent children exploring their own bodies. How on earth could that be a sin? I was young but already understood that it is something so common that I was sure every kid did that. 

A real deadly sin was –according to the Vatican- being gay. I am here to tell you that at that time I was really shocked. Everything I had believed in so far was torn apart. Had I not been a devoted and good Christian? Fortunately I was not like most of the people who take everything in without thinking about what it all meant exactly. Instead of feeling guilty I became fierce. No one, not even the catholic church, could take away from me what was mine.  After all, it was not a choice that I had made but a feeling deep inside and had the church not taught me that God created each and every one to his likeness? So what bothering those guys in their dresses anyway? Who were they to tell me that their almighty and much-worshipped God had made a mistake?

After I saw the item about that fateful congregation on television I called the parish early next morning telling I no longer would come to church as an altar boy. My mother used to volunteer in the parish house doing secretarial work. One day she came home telling me that the priest asked to have a talk with me. Reluctant I went to see him and left as soon as possible. There was no understanding at all. It was all hell and damnation that was poured out over me. Later I realized it was not even understanding that I wanted. I just wanted to be accepted. A normal human being like everybody else. The fact that I am gay does not matter. My preference for who I like to be with is not of any concern to others. And that goes both ways. Besides, unlike many people still think, it is not a choice. Did straight people ever choose to be straight? 

Sometime later I went to church on mother’s day only to please my mom and got another surprise. The preacher had a long speech and the item he brought up was unity among all different faiths. At the end of the mass then this came out of the mouth of that same priest “Lord please bless all mothers today and especially all catholic mothers”. I guess he left me there with my mouth wide open. 

The more I got involved in the gay movement, fighting for equal rights, the more I turned against religions. It all became clearer to me that religions are selling huge lies, are a hypocrite and spread more hate than love. 

Of course, I think I can understand how religions came into this world. Thousands of years ago there were no schools let alone universities.  But people back then were looking for answers too. They too wondered how this beautiful world was created and they came up with almighty power. They created their gods and so every possible culture had his own. This way they at least could give a meaning to everything that existed. Then the storytellers came in with the most unbelievable stories. Added with a variety of rites and rules it became quite something and people saw how it brought them power because they got many followers doing exactly what was written in the books. Religions then were a fact, ruled by people who liked to have power over others and have full control.

By now we (should) know better. The secret of the universe and the planets is becoming increasingly unraveled. And yet still the majority of the people like to stick to ancient believes and books that were written by people who thought the Earth was flat and the sun was revolving around it. Back then people truly were convinced that the great almighty created a man to his likeness and when done took a rib of that man and made a woman out of it. Abracadabra! Talking snakes were very normal in those days of course and because of that woman who ate an apple from a tree she was told not to eat from, she put a spell on all people that would be born later. The bible wants us to believe that a woman became pregnant out of the blue. Sure, that all makes sense, it happens every now and then. 

Religions gained so much power that they by now practically rule the world. Many countries know the separation between church and state. Yet they are ruled by governments with a Christian background. Day in day out we have to deal with rules laid upon us by religions. That for example is the reason why so many women cannot have an abortion. They are oppressed by religions and cannot make their own choices. For some reason, religions always want more and more people in this world. That is why they will not accept people loving someone of their own gender. 

Often I noticed that when I give my point of view people around me try to make me tone down my voice. Because it is not nice if other people hear my opinion. Their feelings might get hurt. But that does not go the other way around of course. Expressing your love for someone who died 2000 years ago cannot be loud enough. Never mind the ones who use their brains and do not believe in a superpower. They will shove it through your throat if they have to. That is considered freedom of religion. Even more; religious leaders often complain that ‘those atheists are making our lives hard by trying to tell us to tone down”.  That is giving it some twist!

There is so much more I would like to say, I could write a book about it. What to think of all the scandals? Priests molesting young children and church leaders covering the stories up? Poor countries where churches build their wealthy churches in the middle of slum areas and even there begging people for money? Then at the same time proclaiming that poverty must be stopped. Says the richest institute in the world: the Vatican! The Vatican is so stinking rich they could stop poverty instantly. But no, instead they want more money. Even from the poor. Does nobody tell me that I see it all wrong? I see, hear and read. And I use my brains. 

Again, there is much more to say but I think for now this is enough. But there is one more thing: If you believe that is fine with me. I have no intention to judge people. Just accept that there are people who do not believe so do not ever try to convince them. Live and let live and respect.

Love the ones you’re with and be loved in return.

Additional:  Writing all the above I simply forgot the reason why I started this post in the first place. What is annoying me lately are the fanatic messages where I am told that God will bless me. Did I ask for that? No! But those people do not care a bit. They keep on trying to push people into their religion. Then there are the ‘share and like’ and ‘type amen’  pictures on FaceBook. I simply cannot understand why people share this crap. First off; do they really think their god reads them? But most disgusting are the ones saying stupid things like “God, turn all cancer cells in good ones please”. This kind really gets me angry. I never give my comments on those posts for it is nothing more than clickbait with which disrespectful people earn money. For them, it is the money that counts. They are willing to place the most disgusting matters as long as there are enough idiots who share, like or type amen. But do people really believe their God will start turning bad cells into good ones? What happened with common sense? 

“If you have big problems, pray and rely on God for he does not forget you”. That would be easy! You just pray, fold your arms and relax because God will solve all problems. Do people not know it never worked that way? Do people not realize that they have their own responsibilities? 

Now I remember how angry I once got when my boyfriend and I wanted to visit an old cathedral in Spain. We were not allowed to go in unless we would wear shirts with long sleeves. The God that created men cannot stand seeing bare arms. Am I missing something here? Well, my friend was prepared so we put on shirts with long sleeves. Inside the most awful surprise was waiting: stands with toys for sale. Toy soldiers and tanks! God is disgusted by seeing human flesh but everything that is on earth that eventually could destroy his complete creation is no problem. The Vatican supports it and likes young children already getting used to it.